I had a whole lot to say tonight about my own medical stuff but was stopped dead in my tracks by the loss of Robin Williams today.
As a person who struggles daily with severe depression, I know all too well to be the funny person on the outside and pouring rain inside. A friend of mine said it best, that depression is so big that it can even make someone as famous and loved as Robin Williams feel so insignificant in this world. The money, the love, the family, the friends, none were able to fight off those demons inside. His suffering has ended, he wasn't able to win that battle. My heart is now with those he left behind, his wife who has told the world she has lost her best friend in the world. I am so sad with this news. I am sad that there are things in life that can cause so much pain and anguish that we feel helpless to come up with a better plan to deal with it.
Rest In Peace old friend, may heaven shine a little brighter with your laughter and light.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
What happened to my blog?
So I guess it goes without saying that depression can really do a number on your life. My blog started off strong a few years ago, but finally my depression caught up with me and you can see how it caused my life to crash. I am well now and feeling much better, and I am not even gonna try and catch this all up beyond just the regular stuff bc this is for me mostly to remember all the good stuff in life and to dream big and plan bigger. I feel like maybe I didn't document enough in life after letting my blog slack but life isn't so much about documenting as it living, and I have lived all those moments at least.
A small catch up is that my kids are now 10 and 7. Christopher just started 5th grade and I have cried more than I like to admit about that fact. I cannot believe that this Monday was his "last" first day of elementary school. Laci is now in 2nd grade and has the amazingly awesome teacher Christopher had in 1st grade. I was just named one of 3 room moms for that class yesterday which is awesome bc I am determined to spend pretty much ALL of my time devoted to my kids this year if I can. (ok, so maybe not ALL of it, but enough to where at the end of the year I don't want regrets) I want to be more active in the school this year and keep myself busy. I am also now a co-leader (one of 2 leaders) to Laci's brownie troop. I LOVE this "job". I love the girl scout stuff SO much that a few months ago I signed up with the local Service Unit council to be even more active and now I am the Troop Organizer and Recruitment Officer for our SU. :) I spent the later half of last week running open house booths to recruit girls at 5 different schools for the new year! (with some awesome help from my friend and other leader). I am trying to incorporate a new "family reading time" in the evenings, and even though we are only up to day 2 (kids are at school) we have done well keeping up with that. And ironically since I am sitting here on the computer, I plan on spending less time online and more time in life. I want to start limiting my time here and living more in those moments. My mom has just gone through a divorce, and I have been in touch with my biological father for almost 2 years now. I am still happily married and we no longer have my sweet GSD, Clover. But we do have Momma the pitbull, and our 2 cats (Blue and Vader) as well as one semi feral free loader kitten. Most my other animals I keep private.
We are still in the house in Canton, and even though my Grandparents swear we are out of here soon, I feel like there is no end in sight. It is hard and frustrating, especially knowing another winter is coming and we will be without heat....again....but, today, I cant let my mind wander there.
No, today is not about massive "documenting" its about getting back into the swing of things. I am sitting here kind of sick in a silent house with the occasional "wo wee wee wee" sound coming from 4 baby turkeys in my livingroom and planning our trip to Daytona next month, Girl Scout meetings, what to make for dinner, my new gym membership, and more. I am reflecting on the beautiful day I had with my husband yesterday sitting on the edge of that crystal clear stream trout fishing in such silence we half whispered to speak to each other. Planning....planning our fall, planning camping, planning fishing, planning....planning planning....its all we ever seem to do. We live every day in the future planning what fun and happy things we will see together on this one and only journey.
I am glad to be back in the driver's seat here and getting some of my planning (and some documenting too) back into my little family journal here. Here is to getting my little blog back on track once again. CHEERS! :)
A small catch up is that my kids are now 10 and 7. Christopher just started 5th grade and I have cried more than I like to admit about that fact. I cannot believe that this Monday was his "last" first day of elementary school. Laci is now in 2nd grade and has the amazingly awesome teacher Christopher had in 1st grade. I was just named one of 3 room moms for that class yesterday which is awesome bc I am determined to spend pretty much ALL of my time devoted to my kids this year if I can. (ok, so maybe not ALL of it, but enough to where at the end of the year I don't want regrets) I want to be more active in the school this year and keep myself busy. I am also now a co-leader (one of 2 leaders) to Laci's brownie troop. I LOVE this "job". I love the girl scout stuff SO much that a few months ago I signed up with the local Service Unit council to be even more active and now I am the Troop Organizer and Recruitment Officer for our SU. :) I spent the later half of last week running open house booths to recruit girls at 5 different schools for the new year! (with some awesome help from my friend and other leader). I am trying to incorporate a new "family reading time" in the evenings, and even though we are only up to day 2 (kids are at school) we have done well keeping up with that. And ironically since I am sitting here on the computer, I plan on spending less time online and more time in life. I want to start limiting my time here and living more in those moments. My mom has just gone through a divorce, and I have been in touch with my biological father for almost 2 years now. I am still happily married and we no longer have my sweet GSD, Clover. But we do have Momma the pitbull, and our 2 cats (Blue and Vader) as well as one semi feral free loader kitten. Most my other animals I keep private.
We are still in the house in Canton, and even though my Grandparents swear we are out of here soon, I feel like there is no end in sight. It is hard and frustrating, especially knowing another winter is coming and we will be without heat....again....but, today, I cant let my mind wander there.
No, today is not about massive "documenting" its about getting back into the swing of things. I am sitting here kind of sick in a silent house with the occasional "wo wee wee wee" sound coming from 4 baby turkeys in my livingroom and planning our trip to Daytona next month, Girl Scout meetings, what to make for dinner, my new gym membership, and more. I am reflecting on the beautiful day I had with my husband yesterday sitting on the edge of that crystal clear stream trout fishing in such silence we half whispered to speak to each other. Planning....planning our fall, planning camping, planning fishing, planning....planning planning....its all we ever seem to do. We live every day in the future planning what fun and happy things we will see together on this one and only journey.
I am glad to be back in the driver's seat here and getting some of my planning (and some documenting too) back into my little family journal here. Here is to getting my little blog back on track once again. CHEERS! :)
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