Yep...I need one of the buttons...this last week has felt like I have spiraled completely out of control mentally and in my life. I have a snowball of problems rolling downhill at lightning speed in a fresh powder, and I have done some very bad backpeddling on stuff this week. I feel like I dont know how to get back up on the saddle...I dont know what is wrong with me. I know its hot, and humid, and miserable weatherwise, but thats not all....there is too many things that tossed themselves on my plate in one week and it just is a mess. I started quilting again to get my mind busy on things that aren't stressful, but even that is frustrating because of the lack of time, the lack of patience, and the lack of funding....
I just need to scream and then bury myself in the sand for a few days and then maybe when I emerge again I will be that better person I have been trying so hard to be.
I started the last clustermess of a week by having to throw in the towel when it comes to fostering after a 2 hour babysitting job and transport left Brian so sick for almost 24 hours that our date night was ruined and we fought on and off over it, and I cried my eyes out when I made the call...and it sucks. Then the 4th I have looked forward to so much this year and it was a wash out! First time in my entire life I remember it raining like that on that day and it sucked. What a terrible let down. I mean, dont get me wrong, we laughed and had an ok time, but we packed up before the show was even half over. I was really just upset with the whole night. Then I have had some personal issues with a friend, and its been heart wrenching, and now I dont know where to go with it. Its all been aired, but I dont know how to forgive, forget, accept, or move on...I dont know how to just say "ok" and let that be that....then with the awful verdict yesterday of Casey Anthony being found not guilty for the horrific and brutal death of her daughter Caylee yesterday, my mind was just done. I emotionally ate last night for the first time in months and finally went to be around 1:30am....I curled up behind Brian and he wanted to talk, but I couldn't find the words...only tears, and cried myself to sleep behind him holding his hand....
Today I just feel drained...mentally, emotionally, even physically....which makes no sense because I havent done anything worth a dang in days that requires much physical activity....I guess I am just really sleepy...maybe tonight I will fall asleep before 1am again....that would be nice.
I am trying hard to snap out of this, tomorrow is Brian's birthday and I so badly wanted to give him a great day, but money sucks, and weather sucks, and my attitude today sucks....yep...deffinately need that "Do Over" button....anyone know where I can pick one up...cheap??
Anyhow there is my terribly depressing entry today...I know...so not what anyone wanted to read huh? Oh well you have good days, you have bad....hoping by the end of today I can somehow turn this into a good day....maybe I will start by having one more cup of coffee before organizing my closet at the front door and attempting to finish one blanket finally....we shall see.
Happy wednesday folks...hope its a good one...
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