Its been hard for me the last few days. Thursday and Friday I felt like a shell really. Just aimless. Sad and crying constantly. I am not trying to move on from Cupid in general, just from the sadness. I am trying to remember all the quirky fun things about "Orange" and his love and the amount of happiness he brought me in my life. I stopped crying in front of the kids after Thursday night Christopher was "too sad to sleep" and crying anf sobbing and just a mess....seeing a 6 year old fall asleep from broken hearted tears was a bit more than I could handle...so it was sominex and a drink and off I was to sleep too. Its been quiet on the subject since Thursday, and I am ok with that. I dont want to talk about him, I dont want to realize by talking about him that I am in itself rememebering him, therefore rehashing him being dead all over again. I just want to hold him in my heart and never forget his sweet face.
The weekend went by quickly. I was going to try and go to the grand opening of the Canton Farmer's Market, but woke up just not feeling like being alone. And it was already too hot to have my kids walking through it. So we decided to make it a lake day instead. We went to Sweetwater and stayed there for hours. The kids had fun and we even got christopher (after 2 melt downs and fnially just going for it) to go under water. He also started working on swimming by playing in shallow water with no arm floats. He wont do it when its just me with them but he will work on it when dad is with us. We went home and cleaned the house that had taken a beating the last week and started catching up on laundry. We all called it an early night and soon we were asleep.
Yesterday went fast. We spent the entire day being lazy until about 2pm then we went to the grocery store. We had an early dinner and both kids were asleep by 7:45. I called it an early night too.
This morning has started off with Brian losing his wedding ring. He cannot remember where it is or where he took it off at. He is an hour late for work after searching everywhere and coming up empty handed. Its irritating and sad and I pray I find it today while he is gone. I have no idea what to do with the kids today. I am thinking of just cleaning the garage and getting stuff organized a little out there. I need to get some boxes to box up some books and get the closets in my house organized. I also have to start working on school stuff with Christopher and laci.
We are in the 40s now for vacation...47 days and a few hours to be exact. Today I am going to work on the 2 envelopes for saving money, one for the vacation and one for christopher's school stuff...and then after the vacation we will make a new one for Christmas since that is rolling back around quickly!
I am going to go for now, my throat is a little scratchy today and my belly sensitive, I am praying its not the beginning of something more than allergies.
No comments:
Post a Comment