What a week!

So we started with the horrific death of our baby, Cupid, last week. A shocking, horrifying, gives me nightmares kind of death that was so unexpected it rocked our worlds and shook us down and was so hard to come to terms with. Even now I for a moment think I see him drinking from the pond out front, or see him sitting on my fence, or expect him to jump up and sit on my bathtub when I am taking a bath....just for a second....before that horrible truth sets in all over again.

Then we finally start "moving on" in life, the crying coming from my baby boy's room at night stopped, and life got a little bit normal for us again. Saturday I decide to take the kids to the mall. We werent going to eat lunch, but the kids were hungry so we decided to eat anyhow. We went to subway, the whole mall was hot with people and it being almost 100* outside and I thought a cold sandwich might hit the spot. We ate our sandwiches, me a cold cut combo, and the kids both a ham and cheese (I.E one slice of ham and cheese...gotta love kids portions.) Christopher decided to drink and entire bottle of chocolate milk with his sandwhich. We got done and started to clean up and christopher felt sick to his stomach from the milk. I started walking with them hoping his belly would settle and all would be good...well all was NOT good....about 10 feet from one of the garbage cans when he clapped his hand over his mouth and his cheeks blew up like a chipmunk. Vomit sprayed out all over his face, shirt, hands, and dripped down his elbows. I ran him to the garbage can, he unloaded his mouth into it and the rest of his stomach. I ran back and for trying to get him napkins form the cookie company that was a few yards away, trying to get him as clean as possible. Then it was back to the bathrooms in the food court to wash up, and then it was home. He felt fine after that, and later that embarassing moment would save him from the illness bewing in me and Laci.
Saturday night I stayed up getting ready for my ARF event on Sunday, excited to finally be working something for SCGSDR. About midnight I started wrapping everything up and then Laci started crying....she had thrown up all over her bed....and floor...and self. Into the shower she went while brian cleaned the bed. She continued to throw up all night long, but by morning she was pretty good, and although not hungry feeling fine. Thats about the time it hit me....in all its severity. I was so sick. I spent the next 48+ hours vomitting, sweating, cramping, aching, and once passing out in the bathroom. That almost landed me in the hospital. I woke up thinking I had to vomit, got to the toilet and sat down....then something started not feeling right. My head got swimmy and felt like it was all bloated up. My arms and legs went numb, my vision got cloudy and bright, my heart started poudning really hard and my breathing got shallow....i started panting...then the awful sound of Kaitydids filled my bathroom....buzzzzz buzzzzz buzzzzzzz growing loud and dying down again....I gagged...rolled my head...tried to call for brian but found I couldnt speak. The sweating kicked in....I felt it running off my face and back, seen it welling up on mt thighs and running down...I blinked...panted...blinked....opened my eyes and I was laying back against the wall, legs straight out in front of me. I had passed out. My light blue shirt was now dark blue with sweat, my whole body, even my mouth, numb and tingly like it had fallen asleep. I called for brian, screamed for him....I couldnt get up I was so weak. He came running in. He freaked out, wanted to call 911, but I said no. I just needed to be cooled down. He stripped off my soaked clothes and got me to my feet and to the bed. I fell asleep for a good hour then.....then I woke up....that terrible numbness coming back to me....I cried "oh my God please no, not again!" I staggered to the bathroom and hit the floor....I pleaded with God to please let this pass....thankfully it did....I ended up not going to the hospital. I stayed sick all day long Sunday, and Monday. Then last night Brian went to my moms to get an A/C unit from her and on the way home a guy was making a UTurn in the middle of a busy 2 lane road close to my moms house, Brian tried to dodge him, even driving into the oncoming traffic lane (it was thankfully empty at the moment) but the collision still happened. The Chrysler SUV plowed into the side of the car that my baby girl was sitting in. Not 18 inches from where she was in her carseat. Brian called me and I came woozy and wobbley with Christopher to come get them. I was so scared. I got there and I said to the cop "my baby girl is in that car, I have to go to it" and he said "not anymore, she is gone" I half yelled at him "what???? gone WHERE????" and he said "her grandpa came and got her and took her home" Relief! She was ok! Brian was standing with the cop and the guy who hit them....I stared at the guy in horror of his stupidity and furiousness of hitting my car with my BABY in it!!! I was so mad I wanted to scream at him, to punch him in the nose, to cuss him like the moron he was for taking such a STUPID risk that could have hurt my baby. I was so mad....but I just stood there. After we were done writing it all up and getting stuff from the car, we were allowed to leave. I went to my moms house and just held Laci in my arms, she hugged me back, and we just stayed like that for a good 5 minutes in the front seat of the corrolla. Then we all went home. We stopped and got some Chicken for dinner, and went home and ate and then got them in bed.

What a night, what a weekend, what a week! Ugh! I am hoping this is the end of the crap storm for us for a while now. I just need a break from life in general. I will be getting that break in about 38 more days! We are finally in the 30s for our countdown to our mountain vacation! I am so excited and really really looking foward to it. I have no idea if the Durango will live through the accident, its at a tow yard now and will be going to a shop by tomorrow. Hopefully I will get into a rental by tomorrow as well. We shall see. Until then we will just play the wait and see game.

For now I am off to do something around my house since I woke up not wanting to barf today....thats always a good thing! I will talk about "Faith" the GSD tomorrow, since I am all typed out today!

Slow burn of summer...

Has officially kicked in. Wednesday I worked at my friend Francis' house helping her make some headway in her garage so it can become her "storage shed" now for packed boxes and things to donate/sell/give away. It was a gruelling 6 hours in a hot humid 90* garage. God was nice enough to let it rain for a whopping 45 seconds which only made it a steam bath...love his sense of humor! ;) I went home battered, sore, and ready for bed....buuuut bed didnt happen. Instead we packed up the kids and went to the lake...to fish and swim! I am no good at lake fishing...it confuses me, I dont know what kind of fish I am dealing with and it takes a LOT longer to do it. I used hotdog and waited and waited and waited....I had three people staring and waiting for something to happen which only increased my pressure....and then it happened! The bobber went under and I had a fish! a BIG ONE! I reeled and reeled and then it came at me in the water (I was waist deep) and I started walking to shore. It was at LEAST a 3 pound catfish! The kids squeeled with delight and Brian was quite impressed I landed such a whopper. I got some pics, and we set him free. (Even though Brian wanted to eat it). I was excited, but the kids were done and I was forced to go home just when the thrill kicked in.
Yesterday was the first day we did *nothing* all day long. I worked on school stuff with the kids, cleaned, and even took a nap in the afternoon! Brian treated me to enchiladas for dinner and the night ended with me surfing Netflix and him watching a terribly sad movie. (The Road)
This morning I am up, I am sore still, and I am ready for life again. Brian is working in Cumming so he took Christopher to his grandparents house for the day. Me and Laci are meeting Francis and going to the lake this morning to swim, then I am coming home around1:00. I have to finish some laundry and stuff, then tonight I am going to dinner and shopping with my mom for some stuff for her trip to California. I am glad to see her. Its been lonely family wise for me lately. Feels like I dont have a whole lot left, and its finally starting to take its toll on me. I am excited to go laugh and blow off some time with her and I know shopping for her is always a blast! (She is as easy to dress as Barbie!)
I am gonna go now, bc I am supposed to be at the lake in one hour!

So tired!!!!

Up til 4am unable to sleep after my caramel frappe from mcdonalds at 9pm (think coffee and ice cream). I am obviously getting older and now caffiene has a very real effect on me at night. Add that to the heartburn and real need for sleep after spending 5 hours in the garage alone yesterday moving cabinets, huge cubby holes, shelves, tables, file cabinets and a million other things and then being up at 6:55am for the day and you have a real sore, tired momma on your hands! Ugh! Oh and dont forget that we finished the day at the lake yesterday grilling burgers and swimming til almost 7pm....man I am so tired!!!

Today is going to be a veg out day. I am going to work on some stuff in the garage (paperwise) while the kids play outside. Later, my friend Brooke is supposed to come hang out with me and then tonight I am going to bed early! Period!

The rest of the week wont be as action packed as the first week of summer vacation was. Today is veggie day, tomorrow we are going to Francis' house to help her finish packing for her move, and Thursday we will attempt the lake again, then Friday I will take the kids to the mall to trapse around. Brian has to work on Saturday so I will need to come up with something to do with the kids, I am considering the zoo if it isnt too hot or raining, we havent been there since April now.

I really cant come up with a whole lot to talk about today mostly because my brain is all mushy from not sleeping worth a crap last night. The sky makes it look like its not very hot outside this morning, but I have a feeling its tricking me. LOL. Maybe for the hell of it I will take the kids to walk around Lowes this morning, I dont know, I hate not going anywhere all day....it makes the day drag by so bad....we will see.

On to another day!

Trying to move on with life....

Its been hard for me the last few days. Thursday and Friday I felt like a shell really. Just aimless. Sad and crying constantly. I am not trying to move on from Cupid in general, just from the sadness. I am trying to remember all the quirky fun things about "Orange" and his love and the amount of happiness he brought me in my life. I stopped crying in front of the kids after Thursday night Christopher was "too sad to sleep" and crying anf sobbing and just a mess....seeing a 6 year old fall asleep from broken hearted tears was a bit more than I could handle...so it was sominex and a drink and off I was to sleep too. Its been quiet on the subject since Thursday, and I am ok with that. I dont want to talk about him, I dont want to realize by talking about him that I am in itself rememebering him, therefore rehashing him being dead all over again. I just want to hold him in my heart and never forget his sweet face.

The weekend went by quickly. I was going to try and go to the grand opening of the Canton Farmer's Market, but woke up just not feeling like being alone. And it was already too hot to have my kids walking through it. So we decided to make it a lake day instead. We went to Sweetwater and stayed there for hours. The kids had fun and we even got christopher (after 2 melt downs and fnially just going for it) to go under water. He also started working on swimming by playing in shallow water with no arm floats. He wont do it when its just me with them but he will work on it when dad is with us. We went home and cleaned the house that had taken a beating the last week and started catching up on laundry. We all called it an early night and soon we were asleep.
Yesterday went fast. We spent the entire day being lazy until about 2pm then we went to the grocery store. We had an early dinner and both kids were asleep by 7:45. I called it an early night too.

This morning has started off with Brian losing his wedding ring. He cannot remember where it is or where he took it off at. He is an hour late for work after searching everywhere and coming up empty handed. Its irritating and sad and I pray I find it today while he is gone. I have no idea what to do with the kids today. I am thinking of just cleaning the garage and getting stuff organized a little out there. I need to get some boxes to box up some books and get the closets in my house organized. I also have to start working on school stuff with Christopher and laci.

We are in the 40s now for vacation...47 days and a few hours to be exact. Today I am going to work on the 2 envelopes for saving money, one for the vacation and one for christopher's school stuff...and then after the vacation we will make a new one for Christmas since that is rolling back around quickly!

I am going to go for now, my throat is a little scratchy today and my belly sensitive, I am praying its not the beginning of something more than allergies.

Rest In Peace Sweet Cupid

2005-2010

It hurts too bad to even write up a story on my sweet kitty this morning...such a sudden loss, so unexpected, such a great spirit to lose. Rest in Peace Cupid, I know you will be waiting at the bridge for me one day.

I love you so very very much

~Mommy

Dont want to get behind!

Friday was such a busy day!! I spent the whole afternoon at christophers school crying and laughing and loving on the kids and hugging Mrs Stark. The kids loved thier pizza party and Mrs Stark loved her scrap book. Earlier in the morning she had called me to as if I would come in later by almost an hour due to some conferences going on, well when I got their I realized it was a trick! She needed more time with the kids to finish my incredible gift!!!! She made me an apron with all the kids' handprints on it that said "hands down the best room mom" on it!! I instantly started crying and hugged all the kids and just was so sad to see them move on to first grade! The last 15 minutes of school was the 5th grade walk, where all the kids in the school line up in the halls and the 5th graders walk all the halls to say a final goodbye to all their past teachers and friends. It was very emotional and all the teachers (and me!) were crying and the kids thought it was funny. Finally it was time to say goodbye and a final bear hug to Mrs Stark and more tears later and it was over! My little man was officially a graduate of Kindergarten! I cried on and off all afternoon and he was so proud of himself! As was I. :)

Saturday was super busy too! Brian worked overtime to try and make some money for our trip to Murphy, NC, and I had some errands to run. First, me and the kids had donuts in bed that Brian had left us before he went to work, and then we went to the School Box store and got some posters for summer school stuff as well as flash cards for laci. Then we went to TRU to get a birthday gift for Alana. Then we went to her birthday party at a place by Francis and Brannons house and ended up spending a few hours there. It was good and cold inside the jumpy place and surprisingly empty, The company was good and the kids had a ball and it was easy to kill 4 hours. I teared up thinking of them moving soon and I am not looking foward to losing some of our best friends. :( After that I took the kids home and Brian got home and we played outside for a bit and then by 6:30 both kids were sacked out sleeping in Christopher's room. It was the first overnight sleepover of sorts ever in there for them together.
Today was a bit of a hectic day. We decided to go check out the beach at Red Top Mountain and even though it was pretty, it wasnt my cup of tea. It was not as convenient or as nice as the othe rday use areas we use, but in the fall it will be a favorite place for us to walk and hike though for sure! After that, we went home and played outside for a bit, then we went to Walmart to go grocery shopping. On the way home a severe storm hit and on the highway we drove right through what seemed like a small tornado! The rain was a complete whiteout on the highway and cars were pulled over everywhere....then suddenly the wind was blowing sideways and tree branches started falling everywhere and the hail was big and loud and cars were so piled up under the bridges I had no choice but to keep pushing on to get home. The kids were both scared and I was too...until my protective side took over seeing those two scared faces in my rearview. I assured them both that Mommy was going to get them home safe, and that it was just loud rain, but to not be scared that I promised I would keep them safe. I told them I loved them and we pushed on, finally getting home with the water spraying up in huge waves higher than the durango driving down our road. Finally we got home and the rain and hail passed (for now) and the kids cleaned their rooms and had dinner and are now in bed.
Tomorrow we are going to my mom's house for Memorial Day for a BBQ. The kids are going to play in the yard and kiddie pool and we are bringing Clover so we can all just relax and enjoy the day. I am really looking foward to it.
Hope everyone else is enjoying thier weekend! Happy official start to summer!

CONGRATULATIONS!

The day has come! My baby boy is just a few hours away from graduating Kindergarten! It seems like just last week it was pre-K and now its Kindergarten! Its crazy how fast time flies once your kids enter school. I spent the whole day in his class yesterday hanging out and helping with the end of the year party and playing in the class with the kids and helping pack some stuff up. I will be going back in a few hours now to finish the last day by bringing pizza and popcorn for the kids. I will help tear down the room, and also present Mrs Stark with her scrapbook from the class. I am sure she will love it.
I slept in this morning from pure exhaustion. I feel bad to a degree because it is Christopher's last day and I should have been up to wish him well, but considering I will be there in a few short hours I dont feel like I missed the opportunity. Yesterday was a massively huge day that left me sore, sunburned, achy, swollen, and bruised. I started my day by working as a volunteer in the 84* humid morning on the field for the end of the year party, holding for the most part a 35 pound child in one arm, and a bookbag full of things on my back, and shoes, socks, popcorn, and a drink in the other, and a camera around my neck. After an hour in the heat, I spent the rest of the day until 1:00 in the classroom helping out. In the parkinglot of the school it was presented to me to go to the lake...so we did...for 2.5 hours. In the blazing sun. I am now burned quite badly on my back. Then, I had to come home, make dinner, then go do a homecheck for one of our puppies. They checked out well and will be adopting baby Axel this morning. Best of luck sweet boy. Then, I went to walgreens to get some more pics developed, because out of a class of 21, only 12 parents seen fit to actually MAKE the scrapbook page for the teacher....Sooooo...for 2 days now I have been working on trying to make something for her with limited supplies. I stayed up til almost midnight finishing what I can and still have to bring a ton of stuff with me for her to get it finished today. *sigh* But, I did the best I could and thats all I can do. It is beautiful,. and sweet, and a great idea...one that I will probably continue to do if I am made room mom...but I have learned to take LOTS of pics of ALL the kids....just in case.
I finally passed out around 12:40 last night. I woke up to Mrs Stark calling me to ask me to put off lunch til 12:15 (thats fine and actually works better for me) and now I am sitting here still trying to drink my first cup of coffee at 9:00am and so sore. Muscles hurt everywhere. My wrist, my upper arm, my back, neck, legs, thighs, did I say my back??? I am itchy and burning on my back, and I have a headache....but...today is a special day, and soon I will shower and suck it up. Because today...my baby boy graduates Kindergarten! I am so proud and it is so bittersweet. I want to smile and enjoy this day.
So, without much more to write for now, I am off for my day.

Congratulations baby boy. I am so very very proud of you. I love you with every ounce of my soul and I am so blessed to have you in my life. I think its sweet that you cried in my lap last night because you will miss Mrs Stark, I think its even more sweet that I have a child who has that kind of compassion and ability to love so deeply...it shows me how very much alike we are. Here's to a great summer, with many awesome memories, and on to 1st grade in a few months! I love you!
~Mommy