I wont be attending the viewing tonight with Brian. To me, growing up, I learned that a viewing is no place for children. Its not that i am worried about how they will act as Laci would likely be asleep on me and Topher is very well behaved,but children should not be exposed to that unless absolutly neccessary. Also, I guess in a way I like the last memory I have of Adam...hugging him goodbye at Thanksgiving dinner at Debra's house. I know it sounds bad but I am selfish with those last memories. My last one of Mike was him here at our house dropping off some stuff with Debra and even though he didnt feel well, he came inside, hugged me and told me happy birthday. I wouldnt sell that memory for a million dollars. So tonight Brian will be going to the viewing and I will stay home and take care of the kids and get them in bed and try not to spend another night sobbing. I guess its been too many really bad blows but I just can't shake the sadness this time. I mean I expected to be very sad....but I am a wreck. :(
Thanks to everyone who has tried to comfort me right now as I dont feel like I should be the one getting comforted, but I do need it. And I am thankful for it.
Tomorrow is the funeral, we all will be going, but I will be taking the kids home afterwards as it is too cold to have the baby (who is sick) at the cemetary for the burial. I cannot believe this is happening....and this close to Christmas...its times like this I question my faith. I just dont understand.
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