*Sigh*

Although this morning these lyrics are in my head too:

Four years later ‘bout 4:30

She's crawling in their bed

And when he drops her off at preschool

She's clinging to his leg

The teacher peels her off of him

He says what can I do

She says now don't you worry

This’ll only last a week or two

It won’t be like this for long

One day soon you'll drop her off

And she won’t even know you're gone

This phase is gonna fly by

If you can just hold on

It won’t be like this for long

Its been a rough week emotionally for me. Wishing the happy fairies would come and make me feel like a better mom. The week started off on a disastrous foot Sunday night when my days as a foster came to an ugly end. I know everyone thinks I am going to sit here and post the whole big song and dance to fill everyone in, but I am not. I know I have been hurt for a long time now, and did all I could to be liked, accepted, and make friends....and almost a year later I find out I have been judged before anyone even knew me and those who I thought were my friends forgot what friendship means and shut the door in my face...and that's a bed they can sleep in alone. Unexpectedly though, I had to make a split moment choice on either dumping Athena off Monday at a vet to be boarded alone until someone, if anyone, would step up and love her like I do....or adopt. Brian made that choice for me and we officially adopted Athena into our family about 10:30pm Sunday night. And that's ok....Athena is the special sauce to our family burger. She is that little kick of spice that keeps me and the kids and even the dogs on our toes...and she forces me to be a better house cleaner! So now, we are the proud family of 3 large dogs...we go through 40 pounds of food every 2-3 weeks, and I have a canine over active garbage disposal...but...she is mine...and that makes me happy.

As far as the kids go, its been a stressful week so far and its only Tuesday! Christopher spent the week last week stressed out for some reason thinking I would forget to get him from school this week when I started getting Laci. Now, I have dropped Christopher off and picked him up every single day of his life in school so far. 3 years now! I have picked him up with migraines, stomach bugs, strep throat.....I have picked him up holding a wet rag to my eye that I had cut, I have picked him up in pouring rain, sleet and snow, and blazing heat....but for some reason he has it in his head I will forget...gee thanks....so yesterday I am in the car to come get Laci (and then him) and my phone rings...and its his teacher! you know, the one I haven't even gotten to meet yet...anyhow she is calling me to tell me that Christopher cannot even concentrate in school today because he is worried and anxious I will forget him at school....WHAT??? After a small uneasy laugh and asking "I'm sorry what???", she again tells me that my son wanted her to call and REMIND me to come get him today....ummm...<<>> I explain to her that Christopher has clearly lost his mind and that I am a SAHM who has never ever ever forgotten anything to do with him ever, and that I spent a year working on nabbing a spot for his sister at a pre-k close to the school so his routine wouldn't change...my ears were burning on the phone I was so red with embarrassment. I assure her that I will be there at the same time I am there every day and hang up to get Laci....after picking him up I gently but firmly explain how embarrassed I was with the phone call and explained that clearly while driving home at the same time as every other day of his life that I can do my job and pick them both up and clear up that no matter what I will *always* arrange him to be gotten from school, and that no matter what he will never sit on the curb alone and hungry waiting for morning to start school again....that that's not how it works. Sigh!

Laci had a rough time as expected....I dropped her off and she was all excited until we got into the class and a little boy was screaming and gagging and shrieking at the door clinging and begging his mom not to leave....Laci looked up at me and Brian and I knew we were screwed. 10 minutes of promising I wouldn't get "losed" (gee thanks kid, whats up with my kids???) and that I would go to jail if she didn't go to school, and crying for her and then for me in the car I left....what a sucky time. Turns out 10 mins later she was laughing and playing and did great all day until the afternoon when after a nap and before the last story of the day another girl started crying for her mom, and then Laci started in too. They met me outside the class to explain that Laci had *not* been crying all day even though that's how I left her and that's how I picked her up. This morning was even worse...super excited all night, even squealed out "oooh dats tute

I spent my first day home yesterday cleaning and laundry folding and made 2 banana breads and froze some veggies from the garden and feeling mighty June Cleaver....today I have about as a glamorous day planned. Its only 9:45 and I have already looked at the clock 100 times. I have cried listening to music and I have worked on this...soon I will wash the floors and I considered painting all the baseboards in the house white again. I have little money and less gas, and honestly I just want to see my kids again.....come on 2pm.....

Hope everyone else has been having a less worrisome embarrassing week than me so far! Lots of love, Mommy P.